Dr. Reuben Abati
There
have been interesting arguments over Minister of Finance, Kemi
Adeosun’s observation that “recession is just a word,” and NAN MD, Bayo
Onanuga claiming that reports of hardship in the land is exaggerated
propaganda.
I think we need to break down the
subject further from a layman’s perspective. Recession is a word, no
doubt, but it is more than a word, it is an experience: the experience
that the majority of Nigerians is going through. If you are at a
significant remove from that experience, it may be difficult to know how
it feels, and if you are an economist, you are likely to be
conveniently obsessed with textbook ideas.Recession is when Nigerians
begin to shift the traditional dates for social parties. You know we
love parties a lot. Virtually every weekend, there is one party or the
other, very loud celebrations where people wear the famous aso ebi, and
the Naira becomes a flying object, being thrown all over the place, at
the musician, the celebrant, and her friends and family, with so much
joy floating in the air, and plates of jolloff rice, eaten half way and
left to waste, area boys having their own share of the fun, and
Nigerians showing the world that life is indeed for the living.
Sometimes, these parties make no sense: imagine a man throwing a big
party to “turn the back” of his great grandfather who died 50 years ago
(!) – a great grandfather he never knew, or a lavish party to celebrate
the purchase of a second-hand car. Those things are very rare these
days. And when some parties are held, the date on the invitation card is
during the week: can you imagine being invited to a wedding on a
Monday? I have seen that happen. The event was over and done with before
5 p.m. Smart way to save money in a season of recession. There were
guests of course, but not the kind of crowd you’d get at a typical
Nigerian party on a Friday or Saturday. The celebrants actually
confessed they didn’t have the means to feed too many people. That is
what recession has done. Nobody boasts anymore about “declaring surplus”
– a once-upon-a-time very famous phrase in this country!
When I was much younger, my friends
and I used to gate-crash parties. Bored, with not much to do, we would
dress up and go from one party to the other. It was called “mo gbo mo
ya” – I heard and I came. In those days, all you needed was to go to a
party to which you had not been invited, and without knowing anybody,
you took a seat and before long, someone would come along and ask if you
had eaten. In a matter of minutes, whatever you wanted would be placed
before you. Drinks? Some friends used to boast about “finishing” a
carton of beer, and they would have their fill and quietly sneak away.
Try that these days and you would know that recession is more than a
word. Virtually every party is now strictly by invitation. Even when it
is not boldly stated on the invitation card, you’d get to know the truth
when you attempt to gate-crash.Parties are now organised with such
strict protocols, it is like trying to access Aso Villa. You would be
screened, your bag will be checked, and don’t think it is Boko Haram
attack they are afraid of, they just want to be sure you are not
gate-crashing, and if you don’t have an invitation card, you would of
course be turned back. There are some exceptions of course, where the
protocol is a matter of security: particularly at those parties where
there would be many VIPs. Nigerian VIPs don’t like to mix with just
anybody.
Even if you manage to gatecrash, nobody will attend to you. What
operates at parties these days, is a KYG (Know-Your-Guest) system. After
sitting down, someone has to identify you as his or her guest. You
don’t get served food, unless your host or hostess gives specific
instructions. And you can’t drink a carton of beer anymore at your
host’s expense! I certainly can’t remember when last I saw anyone
getting drunk at other people’s expense at a party. Even close friends
of celebrants, the ones who are a bit comfortable, go to parties these
days with their own small cooler of drinks. The celebrant will offer you
one or two bottles. If you want more than that, the ushers could become
hostile or they could tell you pointedly: “drinks have finished.” I
have had on one occasion to give the ushers, money to go and get me the
drink of my choice. But once upon a time in this country, drinks don’t
stop flowing at parties. The host will be so ashamed he or she would
order more drinks and apologize to no end.
Where I come from, local women used to
go to parties with cellophane bags, hidden away somewhere, and when
they are served food, they would pull out the cellophane bag and pour
food into it, all of that is done under the table. Next thing: they will
start harassing the ushers: “we have not eaten here oh. Nobody has
given us drinks: drinks they have moved to their collection cellophane
bags! But party organisers have also learnt to be vigilant: they serve
table to table; map out the space carefully and monitor the tables.
Before 2019, perhaps a time will come when ushers will take your
photograph, or there will be CCTV monitors at social events, just so you
don’t come back and say you have not been served. That is change. That
is recession. If you are a man-about-town, you can’t fail to notice
this: that something has indeed changed in the social circuit. But there
is that one per cent crowd, whose pockets are still so deep, if you get
invited to their parties, it is like going to a surplus declaration
event, what Nigerians call “too much money.” Even that is changing
though, people are learning to be careful, so they don’t get invited to
come and explain how they came about so much money.Recession is when you
now read in the newspapers virtually every week about people committing
suicide. Nigerians are so fun-loving we were once described as the
happiest people on earth. Right now, we will fail the test. Suicide used
to be so rare in this country. It was considered impossible. Why would
anyone want to kill himself? I used to hear people say: “eba is sweet
oh, I can’t come and die” or “life is for the living” or “e go better.”
People are not so sure anymore. In the past month, there have been
reports about two foreigners doing business in Nigeria who have also
committed suicide. Every reported suicide in recent times, has been
tied, one way or the other, to the recession in the country. One man had
an argument with his wife over school fees and housekeeping money and
he went and ended it all. Another man actually left a note saying he had
to kill himself because there is too much hardship in the country.
Marriages are collapsing. Domestic violence is on the rise.
Husbands that are out of work can no
longer maintain their families, they can’t pay school fees, they have
become useless in their own homes, they are helpless. Their wives want
to leave, even when they are not too sure of the next destination. There
are at least two celebrated cases of women who have either slain their
husbands or wounded them badly. In both cases, there was that notorious
thing about a second woman in the background. Sharing what is not enough
for one person with another woman, in a season of recession, could be a
crime, but the biggest dysfunction is that of the pocket. One woman, a
lawyer oh (!) stabbed her husband in the neck. Another after having sex
with her husband, and putting him to sleep, got a machete and butchered
him. The man is presently in what Yorubas call, “boya o ma ku, boya o
maa ye” condition. Whether he would live or die is uncertain.Recession
is when companies are retrenching everyday or closing shop and SMEs are
dying. In the last one year, high unemployment figures have been
announced. Banks have had to shed weight; the foreign exchange crisis
has forced many companies to downsize or abandon Nigeria, investors are
taking their funds out of the country, many states of the Federation are
so much in distress, they have stopped paying salaries.
Civil servants cannot even afford a
bag of rice, because their minimum wage is N18, 000 and a bag of rice is
N22, 000 or higher in some places. Recession is when Nigerians now
steal pots of soup and basic food items, and they can’t buy rams for
Sallah, and they are told “don’t worry, change begins with you!” Every
worker who has lost his or her job in the last one year is not the only
one affected, the knock-on effect has brought anguish to other
dependants, who now have a bread-winner behaving like a bread seeker.
That is recession. That is hardship.Recession is when enjoyment spots
that used to be filled up every Friday evening are now empty. Nigerians
used to celebrate what they call “Thank God it is Friday.” In Lagos,
Friday evenings used to be the boys’ night. Husbands didn’t go home
early. These days, husbands go home early and Fridays have become
slightly boring. Recession is when prostitutes reduce their charges. I
have it on good authority, from those who know, that even prostitutes
have had to embrace change. And old girlfriends now demand pension
benefits. Recession is when families which used to run the generator 24
hours and boast that their children can’t stand heat, have had to
adjust, and run the generator only from 12 midnight, or before.
Recession is when men come out and
complain that their wives no longer allow them to touch them: “Are you
mad? With the way things are, all you think of is sex?” Kama Sutra rites
are best enjoyed only in happy lands. Recession is when in spite of all
this, the breweries in Nigeria are posting unbelievable record profits
and smiling to the banks. The men go home and privately drown their
sorrow in bottles. Mrs. Adeosun, this is the true meaning of recession.
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